I heard that a lot yesterday, not just coming out of my mouth either. That's all I could say about yesterday when people asked me if something was wrong. There wasn't just one particular thing that was wrong with yesterday, everything was wrong with it.
I got to work 15 minutes before my shift and started reading my e-mails. I was working on reading a book of an e-mail from the operations desk manager about all of these changes that are about to happen. Any time I get an e-mail from...we'll just call him Guru, I have to brace myself, especially if they're long. His e-mails are usually long, drawn out, and don't make much sense to the average person.
So by the time I'm done reading this e-mail I have forgotten about all other e-mails and the fact that I have to conduct an interview in two minutes. I'm not sure why I reacted this way, but I had an emotional break down at work. I got myself together enough to do the interview, but I was still feeling off afterward.
The Boss pulled me into his office to go over team assignments and to let me know he is switching my days off to Saturday and Sunday. I know everyone else would be happy with this change, but I'm not. I currently have Sundays and Mondays off and Mondays are the only day I get to see Hubby. So I told him I wanted to at least have one Monday a month off. He gave me that it's not going to happen look until I said I would still work all payroll Mondays. He then said I can work with you on that.
After all of that I asked him about the e-mail. He said he didn't understand much of it either, but we have a meeting next Wednesday to discuss it with Guru. One thing you should know about me is I hate, hate having things left up in the air. I don't like having to do it to other people and I don't like having it done to myself.
After I leave Boss' office, I get back to my desk to start preparing for one of my sessions with an employee, but I see an IM from Hag, the HR Manager, asking if I planned on hosting the top performer's luncheon. I told her I didn't have time to do it this week. Her reply was ok, I just didn't know what you had on your plate. I told her I had everything on my plate right now, but I'll probably have some time next week to plan it. She had the nerve to say well at least its Friday....maybe for her! Thanks to my schedule change I'm only going to have Sunday off. And the next week I'm only going to have Saturday off as I'm going to help out the Tier 2 team the next Sunday. I'll have to back track a bit to effectively explain how I got into this mess.
The day before we had an emergency meeting for our Tier 2 team as things have been a little hostile there for awhile, with reason. After the meeting I had asked one of the team members if he was willing to work next Sunday as the rest of the team has agreed to do this to get caught up. He already has a vacation request in to have three days off in a row in the beginning of the week so I didn't think it would be that big of a deal to ask this of him. He said he would have to get back to me on it. He never did that day, but finally did yesterday.
About an hour into my shift, right before...we'll call him Crab Shack's shift is over he e-mails me. Saying he will work the Sunday if he could get Friday or Saturday off. He is the only agent that works Friday and Saturday mornings and knows that his request is impossible. I told him I couldn't approve that and if that's the only day he is willing to swap for then we'll just do the catch up work without him. Shortly after sending the reply he walks over to my desk and said that's the way it’s going to have to be then. I barely looked at him and said okay.
I was absolutely infuriated by this time. I did my best to keep my emotions in, but I couldn't do it. I went into the restroom and let it out, but I couldn't face people after that. I almost told Boss I was going home, but I don't like looking weak. So I went to the break room got some ice water and then took a walk around the building. The breeze brought a chill to the air, but the sun was starting to break through the cloudy day and it felt great to get out of there.
After that I still felt overwhelmed, but I didn't feel like I was going to break down in tears at any second. I drudged through the rest of my day and didn't get any motivation to do anything until about 8:30. I got all of my work done by 10 and still felt motivated to do some extra work so I converted some documents over to web pages to make things easier for my team.
I blame my reaction to the day on this overwhelming feeling I have had all week. I have 27 employees on my team; the average amount for a manager is between 18 and 20. I have had up to 25 in the past and I don't remember struggling this much, but I'm going down to 20 next week. Knowing things will get better next week has been the only thing to keep me going through this week.
Goddamn.
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