Too Much Sunny and Dexter

   So Dildo Daggins recommend that I post more about my weird dreams. I will do just that as last night's dream is still fresh on my mind. This is how I know I have been watching too much It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Dexter.
   I don't remember this entire dream only bits and pieces. I rarely remember an entire dream. It started off with me and a couple of friends, I believe both were old high school friends of mine, hanging out at what I believe is my apartment. This apartment was really modern and huge. Looks nothing like my actual apartment. I just announced to them that my boyfriend proposed to me. In the dream Hubby is my boyfriend. 
   So they get all really excited for me, but they don't know that I'm still married to my first husband, who is in jail. So this is where the dream is similar to the character Rita in Dexter. My first husband is a guy who used to work for my parents back in the day. So I try again to get him to sign the divorce papers. I have to make a trip out to the jail to do it, but I do finally convince him.
   When I'm leaving the prison I get a call telling me my fiance has been attacked and is recovering in the hospital. I rush to the hospital to find that my attorney, Danny DeVito, has beat me there. For some reason I don't trust him and immediately suspect he is the one that harmed my fiance, who is in this hospital bed looking perfectly healthy.  
   I ignore the attorney at first and just talk to my fiance. Somewhere I mention that my ex-husband finally signed the papers. The attorney wants to see them, but I refuse at first. He eventually talks me into letting him see them, so I hand them over. He looks them over and tells me these papers expired and I need to start the divorce process all over again. I freak the fuck out at him and storm off leaving my fiance in the hospital.
   I go back to my apartment to find that my friends are already there for some reason. We all decide to cook dinner together and make an evening of it. The night goes by in a blur and I wake up in the morning disoriented. I'm lying on my living room floor, no pillow or blanket. From the looks of things I passed out. My friends are in the kitchen making breakfast. I asked them what happened last night and they tell me I got shit-faced and blacked out.
   I didn't even remember starting to drink last night. They tell me I wouldn't stop talking about my fiance and the divorce from my first husband. I also went out on the balcony at one point and threw up out there. The vomit landed on my downstairs neighbors balcony, but apparently that was okay because he is always hosing down his balcony anyway. 


So that's all I remember about that dream. I did have another dream, but it's just bits and pieces that don't even make sense when you put them together so I won't go into that one.

Born to Pain in the Ass

This title is inspired by one of the best typos I had ever seen and really doesn't have anything to do with this post. Thank you Yla!

Today was one of those trying days where you just have to grit your teeth, keep your head down, and barrel through. Nothing specific really happened today except I just couldn't concentrate on my work. My head was in the clouds most of the day. 

You see Boss announced his resignation and I have been wanting to get into his position for a year now. So I had mixed emotions about the news. I was hoping new business would come into the center and Boss would want to head the new account so I could take over our account. I guess that would only happen in a perfect world, but I honestly thought it would happen. I suppose I can be naive at times.

Boss and almost everyone I talked to today is rooting for me to get the position. Everyone is so sure I'll get the job, but I'm not so sure. I think they're several other qualified candidates. The only reason I'm qualified is because I have been on this account for five years and I know the client very well, but is that really enough?

I don't feel like I can afford to be confident about this. Boss basically told me that I'm hand picked for the job, but I just have to go through the red tape of applying and going through the interview process. He isn't even involved in the interview process or the final decision. So I don't see how he could even tell me this. I'm not taking him seriously at all.

In fact I plan on coaching myself for the interview and I'm going out to buy a new outfit as well. I'm due for a new outfit anyway, but what better reason to go shopping? 

The only thing keeping my head out of the clouds was HCB with his constant annoyance. I'm not sure if it was HCB or if it was me, but OMG did I want to kill him. I said it several times today and I'll say it again. I just really want to shoot him in his stupid, stupid face.

He just would not shut up, stop staring at me, or do what he was supposed to do when he was supposed to do it. His job isn't that freaking hard, but my god does he avoid doing it like it's going to give him AIDS. Can't I just fire him without a legitimate reason? HR and their stupid policies...

No, seriously though. I'm more professional than this at work...for the most part. I'm going to stop listening to people tell me I'm going to get the promotion and just do my best to prepare myself for what's coming. Wish me luck because the next two weeks aren't going to be fun for me.

Three Weird Dreams in Two Days

So I already told some of you about two of  my dreams, but I had another one last night. 


Yesterday


I woke up, rolled over to check my phone, read a message that CPK had sent me, and went back to sleep. That's when I had both of these dreams.


First Dream


I was working as an agent for some reason, taking calls. I was sitting in the cube in front of HCB. Apparently we had a lot of time between calls because we were involved in some sort of conversation. I don't remember what we were talking about. He was rolled out of this cube and was sitting out in the isle facing me. 
I got a call so I turned around and paid attention to my customer. HCB rolled into my cube and started rubbing my shoulders. I tried to squirm away, but he basically had me pinned in the corner of the desk in the cube. He started rubbing my neck and stroking my hair. 
Luckily I either don't remember what happened next or I jumped to the next weird dream.


Second Dream


This dream looks completely computer animated for some reason. CPK and I are at some sort of amusement park. We were working on a quest where we had to dive into what I think was the ocean for puzzle pieces. We had 30 minutes to retrieve all of the pieces.
We dressed into scuba gear and one by one we got all of the pieces with 4 minutes to spare. We dressed into summer clothes after that and we're instantly dry. I was wearing a blue floral summer dress and a straw hat, with a wide brim. I don't remember what CPK was wearing.
We chose a picnic table near one of the food courts in the park to work on this puzzle. I have no idea what we had to gain by putting this puzzle together, but we worked on it together for a long time.
The puzzle board is a glass cat with notches for the puzzle pieces. The pieces are weird, but I can't completely remember what they look like except one was a glass ball of red yarn.
The park begins to empty out as it closes, but CPK and I just continue to work on this puzzle. It gets dark and starts pouring. CPK has an umbrella so he pulls it out and we both hunker down into it on the same side of the picnic table. At some point I had taken off my hat. After awhile we're the only people left in the park, it's completely dark outside except for one street lamp. 
CPK goes to try to kiss me and I almost lean into it, but then turn my head and face away from him. I either don't remember what happened next or I woke up.


Last Night's Dream


So it started off with hubby and me watching TV in our living room when someone knocks on the door. Hubby gets up to answer the door and it's Whitey from our hometown with his mother. 
He said he decided to drive up and surprise us. He thought I had Mondays off still and he was only going to be in town for the one day. I immediately decide to call into work to spend the day with him. I go looking for my cell phone and I can't find it any where.
For some reason I decide to go down to the car to look for it instead of borrowing someone else's cell. My car is actually Hubby's car and it's in the garage. When I open the garage door some old guy approaches me, violently grabs me and pushes me up against the car. I'm terrified at this point of course and I'm pretty positive he was getting ready to rape me.
Out of nowhere CPK appears wearing his Power Rangers shirt and knocks the old guy the fuck out. 
I woke up screaming at that point. I even woke hubby up with my screams. 


So I would really like to stop having fucked up dreams that involve me getting molested, almost kissed, and almost raped. 


Please and thank you!

The Famous Hairy Crack

   So today at work Yla motions to me, wordlessly, to tell me HCB is showing off a lot of crack. I crack up, no pun intended, and say "Oh yeah?" She responds back and says "Yeah, a lot of it". So I laugh even harder and this of course grabs the attention of the subject of our humorous interaction. 
   He turns around and says, "What is it? A funny e-mail?" I'm still laughing at this point and just said yes. He comes back and says, "Care to share?" Still laughing, I just shake my head no. He says, "Oh, that bad huh?". This get's me going even more and I say, "Oh yeah it's bad." He finishes this conversation by saying, "Oh, I don't think I even want to know then."
   I just wanted to die laughing right then. God I wish I could be inappropriate at work sometimes. On a side note I have come to realize I have two Fridays even though I have consecutive days off. Wednesday is my first Friday because HCB doesn't work on Thursdays and Fridays and Friday is my second Friday because I have Saturday and Sunday off. Have I ever mentioned how much I love Thursday through Sunday? 

Pre-Thattimeof Hemonth Syndrome

*WARNING*
Viewer discretion advised. Not recommended for male eyes.


   Okay, so I wasn't going to blog about this, but I said I wasn't going to be censored so here we go. First of all, yes, I stole my title from the Ambers' blog, but I thought it was creative. I have never seen it put that way before. If you're male and still reading this and have no idea what my title means because you're clueless, I'll spell it out for you. This blog is about PMS.
   Those of you who have known me for awhile know I'm not usually affected by such a silly, girly thing as PMS. For the past few months it's been happening more often. I'm currently on day three with nothing going on down below, which is super frustrating. Again guys I will try to help you relate if you're still brave enough to continue on. Imagine you have been painfully constipated for three days. Nothing is going on below, but you're in a whole lot of pain and constantly making trips to the bathroom. That's as close as I can get as a comparison for you.
   So I have been popping Excedrin like candy and trying not to freak out at the littlest things today. My day started with Boss trying to prove a point about our quality monitoring tool. I told him I would escalate the "issue", but I never did. I just agreed to agree so I could get the hell out of his office before I said something I would regret. 
   Right after my escape I found out I had to conduct an interview, which I wasn't notified of previously. This interview was a complete waste of time. The applicant was dumber than a box of rocks, not the brightest bulb in the box, not the brightest crayon in the box...and any other box related analogy you can come up with that tells you this person is just stupid as all get out. 
   HCB was at work today, annoying the hell out of me, as usual. I just ignored him all day except, of course, I had his PEP today. We all know how much I enjoy those.
   My memory was also pretty shot today. A couple of times in the middle of a conversation I forgot what I was even talking about. I couldn't recall simple things like the authorization code to dial out of the center. 
   I was on the edge so many times today I'm surprised I went the whole day without snapping at someone. I almost screamed at myself for dropping a pen today. How crazy would I have looked screaming out on the floor of a call center about a pen?
   When I came home I decided to treat myself to some nachos, but when I was grating the cheese my hand slipped and the knuckle of the thumb on my right hand ran across the grater. Do you have any idea how hard it is to finish making nachos thumbless? It's freaking hard!
   Any way all I gotta say if that I better be done with this business before Saturday. I have a drag show to go to!!