In Loving Memory

   Six years ago today, April 25th 2006, my father passed away. His life was cut too short. He was only 56 when he passed. I had just barely turned 20 years old. 
   I still remember the last conversation I had with him. He asked me when I was going to get married. At the time I wanted to finish college first, but after he passed college just didn't seem important anymore. I always wondered if he knew that was going to be the last conversation we would have.
   Here is what I remember most about my dad. He loved playing pranks and scaring people. He once hid in a closet, sitting on a 5 gallon bucket, to try to scare someone and ended up falling asleep. He did things like leave the wrapper on a slice of cheese on someones cheese burger. He even once convinced my friend, who was 6 at the time, to eat a dog biscuit with frosting on it. He told him it was a cookie. He had the best sense of humor and everyone loved him for it.
   Our favorite thing to do together was play board games, while eating peanuts, and watching TV. We always tried to get mom to play with us, but she could never sit still long enough to play more than one game. 
   Dad loved Elvis and his music. We even went to Graceland when I was really young. I don't remember much from the trip, but I remember the Jet and the Jungle Room of the mansion. My dad used to stay up with my mom till 3 or 4 in the morning listening to music and signing along with it. 
   My dad was a bit of a womanizer, but he loved my mom dearly. They always  showed PDA, which I thought was disgusting at the time, but I think it's sweet now. For anyone who can be together that long and still show that much love, you have to appreciate that. 
   He always gave me whatever I wanted and I took advantage of that all the time. I would always know to ask him things when he was immersed in a TV show or movie. My dad loved television. He would concentrate on the TV so intensly that he wouldn't even hear what I asked. He would just respond sure. Once in awhile I would tell him crazy things until he finally started to pay attention to me. He would always cry during the sad parts or laugh so loudly at the funny parts. You could hear his booming laughter across the house. I miss that. 
   He said things to me like, "We'll do that second Tuesday of next week." Or "Are you the Dad of the girl or the girl of the Dad?" I still have no idea what that means, but I always gave a different answer. 
   You know, I have been told that as time passes it doesn't hurt as much, but that's not true. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him. It still hurts to know he will never know how I turned out or see his grandchildren.   

You Have to be 16 to Work Here Right?

   Because I'm pretty sure I'm running a middle school. There is some new kind of drama going on every week and if there isn't any new drama then the old drama is being dug back up. Today I discovered that the Drop cousins have been bickering back and forth and feel the need for mediation. Apparently one of them has been saying "mean things about his mom" to other co-workers...seriously, true story.

   You know the sad part is we have never been better business-wise, but the people within my business are driving me insane! I'm so over this month and it's barely half over. 

    I battled with myself all day on whether or not I should write this blog, but after today I can't let this build up inside of me any longer. The day started out fine until I was wasting some time out on the floor and stopped by a co-worker's office to say hello. I almost immediately could tell something was wrong. At first I thought it was a family issue, because she has been having a lot of those lately. I was way off; it was all about another co-worker who just won't stop with the drama. I'm starting to lose track of everyone I have nicknamed so I will just say the person I stopped to say hello to is named Tigger and the drama queen is Sin. 

   Sin is so full of drama that I have been advised by the HR Manager to have a witness present during any conversations I have with her. Tigger won't have a conversation with Sin without writing a statement afterward. There is so much more I could say, but we're going to stop there for now. 

   Tigger pulled out the statement she wrote about a conversation her and Sin had earlier today. Sin came in her office to confide in her about not being able to let go of the past. So actually I'm going to stop there and explain what it is she can't let go. 

   Back in January she applied for a training position. There were seven total applicants and we had a tough choice to make. Needless to say we didn't choose her and she is claiming her direct manager and I conspired against her to ensure she wouldn’t get the position. There is of course more to the story, but I'm going to leave it at that.

   She just absolutely refused to stop living in her own fantasy world. She wants someone to be reprimanded and people fired. She believes I hate her and as long as I'm in my position she will never get any further than she already is. Keep in mind I just recently made her Tigger's backup, but of course I only gave it to her to try to make up for not giving her the trainer position. 

   She also believes that my boss stayed locked up in his office last Thursday just to watch her aux usage. My boss wasn't even on site last week. He was out helping another site that's falling apart. He did call me to tell me she was sitting in ACW for 17 minutes, but he would have done the same if anyone that was sitting in ACW for 17 minutes. The average length someone should be in ACW is 1 minute. 

    So I find all of this out and get stressed out because it's all happening again. The month of January to the beginning of February was absolute hell and I don't want to go through this crap again.

   I really wish I could just talk open and honest with her, but I can't. She would probably sue us for emotionally scaring her, but this is what I would say:

"If you feel so angry, ripped off, used, and stepped on here, then just quit. I'm sorry that you feel that way, but there is absolutely nothing I can do to make you feel any differently. I won't be firing anyone and I'm certainly not going to be fired. So either get over it or quit those are your options, it's as simple as that. You're nothing, but a cancer to my employees and I honestly don't want you here anymore. End of story."

Balancing Act

   I feel like my life has been nothing, but one big balancing act lately. I have work, family, friends, and my writing but only 168 hours in a week. 
   Lately I feel like I'm letting my friendships go to the weigh side. Then again when I start hanging out with my friends more I feel like I'm neglecting my marriage. My work seems to take up a lot of my time, but it's really important to me to be the best at what I do.
   I sit around waiting for people to invite me to hang out with them because I suck at inviting people to go out with me. I'm always afraid, deep down, that they're going be too busy and say no. Then, foolishly, I feel rejected. For example, I sent a text, two hours ago, inviting all of my friends to go out with me for my b-day and I haven't heard back from even one person yet. I know they're all busy with their lives too, but I'm still freaking out a little bit.
  I know it's pretty stupid to feel this way, but I honestly can't help it. All of my friends work the late shift and I work during the day so it's really hard to find the time outside of the weekend to spend time with them. My husband and I only have Saturday nights and Sundays together. So I try to spend time with him on the weekends. 
   I know it sounds simple, why don't we all just hang out at the same time, but that's just too many people with too many opinions in one place. I have quite a few friends now, but I think I can only handle hanging out with no more than three or four at a time. 
   When I hang out with several friends at once I stop concentrating on myself and my own needs and start thinking about everyone else's feelings and needs. I try to make sure no one feels excluded or like an outcast. So I think it's really exhausting to spend time with everyone at once, but regardless I love them all and want to spend my birthday with them. Is that too much to ask?