I was just thinking today how empty my life feels. I have no real hobbies or even interests. I'm not currently striving for any realistic goal. Hell I'm so bored with my life I was excited about the thought of making my own bagels. How sad and pathetic is that?
I'm turning 23 in less than 30 minutes. I should be in college living it up. I act like I'm 30, not 23. Hell I'm not sure if I have ever acted my age, I'm not sure if I even can.
When I take a step back, all I really have is my job, husband, and a few friends. Yes, I cherish my husband and friends. Yes, I have more family than just my husband, but they're 1000 miles away. Out of my family only a few of them truly care for me. If I were to die right now, what would I have to show for my life? What impression have I made in my insignificant existance? How long would it take for people to forget about me and move on?
I'm usually not all this doom and gloom, but lately I have been more unhappy than I have been happy. Sure I have moments of happiness, but that doesn't last long. My mind always goes straight back to the current struggles in my life. Those of you who know me have always known me to try to stay optimistic. Well I'm tired of being optimistic. It's way too exhausting these day.
So far this has been the worse year since 2006. I don't think anything can top 2006. Unless of course my dad can die again, which the way this year has been going it wouldn't suprise me any if that happened. I just keep telling myself, "Tell people you're happy. Put up that front, so no one else can see your pain. What's the point of making other people miserable?". Well I'm absolutely exhausted, I can't do it anymore.
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