So I'm sure by the title you can get a general idea of my recent mood. Lately I have been taking inventory of my life and I don't really care for it. I look back on my life and it's really hard to explain what I see there. All the memories I have all seem so surreal. I can't picture myself being a spoiled child and not having a care in the world anymore.
I know I'm only 23, but I find it difficult to remember simple things like my first love. Of course I remember his name and even his birthday, but I can't remember specific events. I just recently remembered the first time I was ever drunk and I'm not sure why I ever wanted to drink again after that night. It's really too embarrassing to tell the tale of the events that occurred that night. Unfortunately it wasn't one of those black out drunk nights.
Anyway my point to this blog is to get a few things off of my mind. I have been thinking about the past a lot recently. I remember how I thought my life would be so different than it turned out. I realize how many memories I have lost and can't seem to recall. Now that my dad is gone my memories are the only thing I have.
I don't lead a very exciting life, but I have been considering keeping a journal again just so I can go back and read the things that were going through my mind when I was 23. Then again when I think of journals I think of my teenage years and I feel juvenile for even considering keeping a journal. I also think of my husband and how nosey he is, my thoughts should never be made public.I have the weirdest thoughts and I don't think people realize how censored I am.
I have also been considering writing again, but I don't feel like I have enough inspiration in my life or even the educational background to do it well.
Most of you know I have the weirdest dreams. So I was thinking at the very least start keeping a log of my dreams. I might even post some of them on myspace to entertain everyone.
I never realized how weird my dreams were until I told other people about them. I guess I just thought everyone had weird dreams, but I guess not. Well any way I just wanted to speak my mind tonight before going to bed. If I have a weird dream tonight you might look forward to a new post soon.
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